*Note from Gin ~ I met Fatimah when she asked a very potent question during a panel discussion on criminal justice that the Humanization Project helped host at Norfolk State. I immediately asked to interview her just because of what she was asking about. I was delighted to find such a beautiful person and really enjoyed chatting with her. As a bonus, she offered up that her husband would be happy to do an interview as well, and again I was blessed with another beautiful soul in my life. I do not normally ask or encourage anyone to talk about their crime as I do not feel that the focus should be on our worst day, but rather on all the good that we are currently doing in the world. However, Talib felt his story with all that included was important and so I am sharing his full letter to me with you. Please enjoy his words and my discussion with Fatimah. Thank you!
Bismillahir-Rahmanir-Rahim
(In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful)
Greetings Gin,
I would like to take a few minutes to thank you for your Compassion and Understanding. Your Enthusiasm is greatly appreciated, and I have no doubt that your efforts will be met with Success.
My wife (Hannah Fatimah) spoke highly of you and her interview with you was a positive experience. The Genuine Passion and Drive I see in your movement to showcase the Human Condition from every angle is truly a Noble cause. I ask Allah to make You and All those touched and affected by your efforts immensely Successful.
Before I dive into the interview questions, if you don’t mind, I would like to give you a brief insight into who I am, I where I’ve come from. I think that it will aid in the interview.
To Proceed:
I was born Yates Michaels, in Montana, where I was raised as an only child for most of my childhood. My Mother (Barbara) and I had a Great relationship. She passed away from Cancer when I was 11. At that point I came to Va. (Newport News) to live with my Father, who was quite literally a Stranger to me. I had only met him briefly twice before. After a lapse in judgment at age 13, I was placed in a series of Residential Psychiatric Facilities. I spent the next 3 years in those Facilities, most of which was spent locked in a 6′ × 10′ room with nothing but a camera and a bed built for 4 point restraints (tying people down). During this time I received minimal schooling. I read books whenever I could get my hands on them. I was finally brought home 2 months before my 17th birthday. I was placed in the psychiatric Facilities when I was in the 7th grade, with next to no schooling in the years I spent in those Facilities, I was thrown into the 11th grade based only on my reading comprehension and my age. (Not exactly setting me up for success). I failed all my classes and with a new assessment I was placed back in 9th grade classes for the following year, setting me on pace to graduate at age 22. Needless to say, I quit school, and wound up homeless. With no education and even less self worth, I turned to friends couches and park benches. Which inevitably led to minor crimes, which inadvertently escalated to one tragic night. A bad drug deal, and sadly a young man with a promising future lost his life, to a young man with no prospects, no hope and no value.
This is the turning point in my life, I lost my freedom, I found my purpose. My life is FOREVER linked and locked to the one I took. I Must do Good in this world, not only for my sake but also for All the Good that HE may have given the world. I stole that from him and his family, I cannot deprive the world of the potential that he had with him. It is up to me and I am given the opportunity, that potential will not be lost forever, it will be realized and actualized.
That is me in a small nutshell. Now that I have given a brief overview of myself, I will continue to the interview questions. It was hard to choose just 3 – 5 of them, as they are all very good questions, I will try to be concise and in depth. Please bear with me as some of these answers are not simple answers, and require some insight and deeper explanation. I will try not to ramble.
*** INTERVIEW QUESTIONS ***
1. Tell us a little bit about the most important person in your life.
The most important person in my life is without a doubt my Wife. She saved me, she pulled me out of a sinking hole. I was being buried underneath these prison walls, I knew it but refused to acknowledge it. I put a ton of effort into hiding the depth of my depression, I thought I was doing a pretty good job of it. I kept a smile on my face and spoke positive words to my friends and family. But it seemed that the smile and kind words were more for their benefit than my own.
I met my Wife very briefly about 2 years ago while she was in the midst of maybe the most severe trial of her life. Our brief encounter was not special, as neither of us were looking at each other or for each other at the time. I have no idea how she noticed. I am not exactly the “Stand out” kind of guy. Nevertheless, I must have made an impression, I am pleased to say. Because after she managed to shake the bulk of her trial, she came and found me. Still, she reached out in innocence, just looking for some Islamic direction and information. I had been almost completely alone for about 17 years, at that point. I had resigned to the fact that I had a Ton of time to do, and would to it alone. I was giving up slowly, inwardly, I knew that I would most likely die in prison alone. My thoughts were becoming very bleak at the time. I would often wonder about my burial rights, what the DOC would do with my body after I died here. I was in a bad spot.
She came and Resurrected me. Resurrected my Confidence. Resurrected my Purpose and Positivity. She Restored my Hope, She has given me a place to pour all this abundant Love that I have to give. My Wife is not just my lifesaver, she is my Heart. She has given me so much, I don’t need much, but she gives without even knowing. She will never know the extent of the ways that she has given me a new life, a new love, and strengthened my faith. Given me my purpose back.
This is the Most important person in my life, my Wife Hannah Fatimah Muwahhid.
2. How are you different now, than when you first got locked up?
This one is rather complex. As I believe that I am a “Good” person now. That is not to say that I was ever a “Bad” person. I just think that there was a period where I wasn’t “ACTIVELY” a Good person. My core self has always been “Good” and present, it just got buried under the rubble of life for a while. To explain that a bit, my “Core Self” is made up and shaped by the values that my Mother instilled in me early. Compassion and Affection were key components of my childhood with my Mother.
Where I differ from who I was when I first got locked up, is that I had lost some of myself. Excuses and Faulty Rationalizations had become had become a major part of me. I feel such regret in regard to some of the excuses that I have made for my behavior. I have made some disgusting excuses to myself in an attempt to rationalize what I had done. There was a time that I used to tell myself that it was simply an “Occupational Hazard.” I would explain it saying I was a “stick up kid” and he was a “Dope Boy”, he knew the risks and so did I. That line of thinking never really took, Really took up roots, it just sounded good, or so I thought. I hear those words now, and I am sickened and disappointed. I didn’t even know the guy. It wasn’t until years later that I had the occasion to actually sit and speak with someone who did know him. I was given some insight into who he really was. He was Not a “Dope Boy”, he was just a College kid, who sold a little weed here and there for pocket change, he wasn’t a street guy, and didn’t pretend to be. I finally had a clear picture of exactly what I had destroyed.
One day I was watching TV. I have no idea what I was watching, but I remember the was “where people were, at certain points in their lives, and where they should be.” I was about 32 or 33 at the time, and I began to look around my cell and think about all the things that I had missed out on, and where I should be at this point in my life. Then something occurred to me with a mighty weight. It fell like a ton of bricks had just come crashing down on me. My whole world just hit a wall and crashed as a stunning realization dawned on me, with what seemed to be the whole force and light of the Sun. Here I am thinking about “Myself” and where “I” should be and could be at this point in my life if “I” hadn’t killed that kid (we were both kids, we had both just turned 20). “Such a Selfish Thought!!!” Even now it seems as though I could physically Hear a voice accuse me out loud: “Such a Selfish Thought!!!” I was stunned, and broke down crying uncontrollably. How could I have been so self absorbed for so long that this hasn’t occurred to me?!?! How can a person NOT take into account how his actions affect other Human Beings? What kind of person considers themselves to be a “Good” person, yet he either refuses or neglects to acknowledge and take responsibility for the effect of his actions on the people around him, and even further, the ever expanding effect of his actions, simply by the trickle down affect.
At that moment, I fully understood that my life was locked and linked to His forever. There will never be a time that I will look at my life and take stock, and I don’t think to myself “Where would He be, had I not not stolen his potential? What lasting Good might he have given the world that I could Never duplicate?” So with that in mind, I Must be a Good person, I Must do Good. I Must do Twice as as much Good, because I Must ATONE. I have to do all the Good that I can, then I have to do more, for Him. I Refuse to be the type of person who took a life and doesn’t Honor or acknowledge the lost potential.
This is how I am different now. Now I am very self deprecating. I find great value in holding myself to account. I make no excuses for my actions. I don’t try to justify bad character. I am most concerned with Rectification and Atonement.
3. What are you most passionate about?
This is an answer that requires Layers. The one thing that I am Most passionate about, leads to further passion that if it weren’t the first, the rest wouldn’t exist to the extent that they do. However I will be concise.
I am Most passionate about Islam. Islam has given me Direction and only enhanced my Compassion for the Human Condition, my sense of responsibility and Duty to my Lord, my fellow Human Beings and to myself. Islam has given me a literal guide to the Best Character. Islam has shown me how to maximize my worth, my value to my Lord and the people around me. Islam has taught me how to help other people get the best out of themselves. Islam has tought me patience and endurance.
It is Islam that urges me to constantly examine myself. I am thankful for Islam.
4. If you could change one thing about the system, what would you do to help the most?
This is such an important question, it is so hard to narrow it down to just one change. To even narrow it down to just a handful of changes that would do the Most Good, seems to be a Monumental task. I have 3 changes that intermingle to make one massively good change, for the inmates, for the system, and for Society.
I would make parole Available, and Conditional on Education and Programming. Making Parole Conditional on Education and Programming would ensure that Parole is Only Available to those who Work for it and Earn it. This would also ensure that Only the worst element remains without access to Parole. Only those who don’t care to at least showcase a desire and drive to better themselves would be withheld eligibility to parole.
Along with that I would expand the Education and Vocational System, for more “Real World” application. After spending 20 and 30 years in prison, it is not practical to expect a man to enter the workforce and put his “Carpentry Trade” or “Brick Masonry” to much use and have any long term success. I would expand the Educational and Vocational training to make Real Long Term Success a legitimate possibility for all parolees of all ages and degrees of health. Not everybody is going to get out and start their own trucking business.
I would make the Education system Available to All inmates. I applied for a Vocational class once and the DCE/VCE Principal answered my request saying, “I am sure you will get into a class before 2053.” (2053 is my release date.) With education being a Stipulation for parole eligibility, no inmate, no matter the length of his sentence would take precedence over another.
I would provide a program that would be centered on building self confidence, self esteem and a possible image. This environment is not exactly conducive to a healthy self image, which is paramount to a person’s success.
All of this is meant to achieve the same goal: to ensure that only the worst element remains in prison. And those that work for it are afforded the best possible opportunity for Real Long Term Success upon release.
Thank you so much for your time and your concern. Again, I ask Allah to make you Successful wherever you may be.
Sincerely,
Talib Muwahhid #1132480