Love Day

~ Taj Mahon-Haft ~

Orignally appeared on www.heartolovelifemoments.com

We just passed Valentine’s Day. I actually celebrated, too, and I had a genuinely terrific time. Quite the surprise for a 40-year-old behind bars.

I used to shun this holiday, but I have had a complete change of heart. 

Ha! See, it’s easy to be cynical today because the world can seem so shallow. In a social media world, the facades of corporate “values” being sold for profit rather than principle have grown even more vapid. It’s easy to dismiss it all. I knew that Valentine’s Day was a Hallmark holiday, contrived to sell cards, chocolate, and flowers. No way would I spend my few hard earned dollars supporting such shameless consumerism. 

That was my perspective, and it felt very educated. It also felt safe. No way would I buy in to such a foo-foo notion of romantic love, either. Oh, I most certainly believed in love, even while here, but humans just aren’t built for long term monogamy and passion, I just knew. I had loved and truly, but it was never like the cheesy-ass greeting cards! Moreover, I was damn proud of this elevated, rational, worldly view of this trite holiday. 

Until all that switched. A few year’s back, in the midst of my miasma of misery and loneliness, stolen away from all my loved ones unexpectedly, I regained my faith in love’s central importance. In prison, I rediscovered love–and not in the way that HBO shows stereotype. 

Love, connecting, is what makes us human. 

First, I found purpose in helping other guys here. I’m lucky enough to have some education and I like to teach. Lots of guys here value that and are trying to advance themselves. Officially leading GED classes, I gradually began offering whatever little thing I could to anyone who needed anything. 

After arriving here terrified, I found quickly that sincerity and respect go even further behind bars. So many folks here just need some small thing to show their good character and feel valued, then that gets paid forward. So I offered an algebra lesson, a cup of coffee, an ear about family trouble, a handshake, and so on, and I saw what that social love did. 

No matter the circumstances, nearly all people give to us what we expect. Respect and love are reciprocated. 

I had re-found a purpose even here. 

Next thing I know, I ran headfirst into that fairy tale kind of romantic love, too. 

My best friend of nearly two decades suddenly became a partner like I had ever hoped for but never dared dream possible. 

Two years later and we have only fallen further in love, despite circumstances that would challenge the patience of Mandela and the peace of Gandhi. We cannot yet live together physically, but even visit room kisses are bliss and just our words make the best relationship I’ve ever imagined. This is better than any Hallmark card ever!

Perfectly appropriately, her birthday is February 14th, too, so that became suddenly a much better day after we got together. Immediately. But it really became sacred to me when she explained that to her it is Love Day, not just Valentine’s Day. 

See, one of our key shared values, one of things we mutually adore about each other, is our commitment to service and to spreading good cheer to those we encounter. Kindness is priceless and free.

And couldn’t the world use more love today?! Nothing would be finer. Taking this a step further, this marks a trail on the path to broader social cooperation . If us supposed “irredeemable criminals” respond as such, a little bit of mutual, unconditional, impromptu respect and kindness would be a balm for all people.
 
Watching the news can depressing these days because of all the focus on hate and hateful acts. Police brutality. School shootings. Racist walls for ego emergencies. Partisan divides. But isn’t that just all the more reason to live with a bit of love?! Plus, sowing that positive energy into the world means it can be harvested by others around us later in this season. 

Thus, now I decided–we decided–to enthusiastically celebrate Love Day on all its levels. Regardless of the origins of this commercial holiday, I am now enthusiastically embracing its best interpretation, even stuck behind these walls and concertina wire. 

While I abhor my inability to be there to treat and hold my love and my family every day, especially Love Day, our customs are defined by their meaning. I am lucky to have recognized this light of so much love here, blessed to have built so much from old friendships and found the lessons and warmth of new ones in a land of deprivation. The perfect thing to do for me is to celebrate and make sure these days continue. So, yeah, now I love this day and maintain its spirit whenever possible. 

I guess my point in sharing all this is to call to attention the collective benefits of celebrating love all the time. February 14 is behind us, but the principle works every day. I’m a middle aged nerdy pacifist, and this brought me insight and friendship in prison. If this can be evident here, where so many people presume that hate reigns, everyone out there can certainly find a little while to live love.