As usual, I have been behind getting writing posted up here. So much is going on with COVID-19 advocacy and other things. Jeff is on my mind right now though because he is facing the end of his prison sentence and uncertainty about what is next to come. We are featuring a series of his pieces in an effort to show the amazing, resilient, beautiful human being he is. Thanks for reading them! ~ Gin
“Don’t drop the soap!” This is a common joke that is made when people behind bars are taking a shower. It insinuates that if the person behind bars bends over to pick the soap up then he may be sexually assaulted by another person. While the joke may make people laugh, sexual assaults are no laughing matter, especially in the prison setting.
During my time of incarceration I have been sexually assaulted by two different people behind bars on different occasions. While sexual assaults don’t occur as often as in the past–which television and movies often depict–sexual assaults still happen in prisons.
I don’t want to focus on the events of the sexual assault because that is no longer important. Furthermore, I don’t care to relive the nightmares. Instead, I would rather focus on how the institutions handled each assault.
The first time occurred in 2001 when I was at Mecklenburg Correctional Center for receiving into the Department of Corrections (DOC). The other time it was my cellmate. I had never been in the DOC before. However, I had been told at the local jail that one of the worst things an person can be is a snitch. Despite being continually sexually assaulted, I didn’t say anything.
Finally, I couldn’t take it anymore so I simply said that my cellmate was making unwanted sexual advances toward me. Even at this point I didn’t want my cellmate in trouble, but rather to get out of the cell and away from the abuse. I was given the option by the administration to go to segregation, which horrified me and seemed like a punishment. Plus at the time I was in the print shop program, which I didn’t want to give up. The administration also offered to “talk” to my cellmate, which also terrified me. He would know that I said something and even if he was placed in segregation, he could have his buddies to jump me. My cellmate had ties to a gang. In addition, I would be labeled a snitch and the reputation would follow me. I felt that the only real choice I had was to return to the cell with the aggressor and keep my mouth shut.
At no point after that did any of the administration follow up and ask if I was okay. Each time I was locked down I feared that I would be sexually assaulted again and if I said no then I may be beaten to death.
Luckily soon after I talked to the administration, I was transferred to Brunswick Correctional Center. While there, I did make a report of the sexual assault. Investigators came to see me and they told me that they did believe that the sexual assault occurred. However, nothing could be done because there was no physical evidence. Even after I had reported the sexual assault, at no time did mental health or a counselor check on me to make sure I was okay. I was left to deal with the aftermath on my own.
Luckily since the experience at Mecklenburg happened the prison Rape Elimination Act (PREA) has been adopted by prisons throughout the United States, including Virginia, which sets forth a set of policies to prevent and deal with sexual assault in prisons. Unfortunately sexual assaults still occur in prison, although not as frequently.
The PREA policies came into effect soon after I entered the DOC the second time. The DOC claims that people are housed together based on a risk assessment of safety and compatibility. I don’t know what exact details are evaluated during this process, but I can speak from experience when I say that the process is greatly flawed.
Once again my cellmate sexually assaulted me while I was at Red Onion State Prison, one of the worst prisons in the United States. I couldn’t believe that this was happening again and began to blame myself. I wondered if there was something I was doing to cause the sexual assaults, even though I know that the victims are never to blame. The events at Mecklenburg kept playing in my head and the way the administration responded to the situation when I told them unwanted sexual advances were being made. I figured that I would receive the same response at Red Onion. In fact, I knew of an person who had reported a sexual assault and the administration’s answer to the problem was to put him in segregation.
In addition, my cellmate told me that if I snitched on him he would have other offenders jump me. I felt that I was forced to keep silent and process the abuse internally by pretending that everything was normal. I felt so much stress and anxiety leave me the day that my cellmate was transferred. I again remembered what happened with the situation at Mecklenburg and saw no reason to report it at that point.
When I became eligible for a transfer a few years later I made it clear that the reason I was making the report then was to ensure that I wouldn’t end up at the same prison as my former cellmate, the aggressor. I also made it clear that I wasn’t seeking for the aggressor to be punished at that point. Despite this I still had to speak to the investigators.
When they interviewed me, I was called into an office within the pod that had a glass window so everyone saw that I was talking to the investigators. In prison when an person is seen talking to a guard, someone in the administration, or the investigators behind closed doors other people get the impression that you are snitching. Being a snitch is not a label I need or want.
During the interview the investigators made me feel like that they didn’t believe me and that I was making everything up. It also didn’t help that I am gay.
Red Onion is located in rural Southwest Virginia where being gay was widely unacceptable. There was very little tolerance for the LGBT community and stereotypes of gays were widely accepted. I felt like the investigators thought that just because I’m gay then I’m willing to have sex with any willing participant. This was totally untrue. In fact I’m very selective in whom I have a relationship and engage in sex with. The fact that I’m convicted of a sex offense also wasn’t helpful.
It is known that guards sometimes turn their back when something happens to a “sex offender” such as extortion or a physical or sexual assault. They believe that a “sex offender” deserves what he gets. This is especially true in prisons in rural areas such as Red Onion.
The investigators told me that the allegations would be investigated and they would contact my former cellmate and ask him about the allegations. Again, I felt great anxiety. I was thinking to myself that by talking to my former cellmate he would know I had talked to the investigators and he may contact other people behind bars to jump me in order to get revenge. The investigator said that he would keep me informed, but never followed up with me.
The investigators asked me if I wanted to see mental health but I declined. At that point I just wanted to put the whole thing behind me and I honestly thought I was okay. However, the assault has had an affect on me that has been long lasting.
Sometimes I have nightmares, reliving the assaults. At the time of the assaults I felt I couldn’t stand up for myself if I had to. The feeling still exists and has been amplified by the sexual assaults. Every time I get a new cellmate I have great anxiety about whom it will be and how he will treat me. I always worry that I could be sexually assaulted again. After writing this I realize that I still need to speak to mental health to deal with the aftermath of the sexual assaults though the last one happened six years ago.
There is no circumstance that makes it okay for an person behind bars to be sexually assaulted by another resident or staff member.
Even though improvements have been made in preventing and reporting sexual assaults, additional improvements still need to be made. A person should always be treated as the victim when reporting a sexual assault and should never have doubts about reporting because of the way staff is treating him/her during the reporting process. The staff members need to have compassion toward the person–the victim. In addition there needs to be a follow-up by mental health even when the person says he/she doesn’t need to speak to them at the time of reporting. The person may be in shock if the assault just occurred. Issues resulting from the sexual assault may also come up at a later time. The DOC also needs to improve the way that the cell comparability is done.
Those on the outside can also make a difference. If an person behind bars tells you that he/she has been sexually assaulted please encourage them to report it as soon as possible because it takes the power away from the aggressor and gives it back to the victim. The aggressor shouldn’t be allowed to get by with it. It may also prevent another person from being sexually assaulted.
You should also encourage the victim to talk to a mental health professional because the victim’s well being is most important. Finally, show the victim compassion and let them know that you are there to support them. Make sure the victim knows that it is never their fault that he/she was sexually assaulted. I am proud to say that I’m a survivor. I will not only be a victim. I am stronger than that. Despite the negative impact that the sexual assaults have had on my life, I want to use the experience in a positive way to help others, especially other people behind bars. I want to urge victims to report sexual assaults and to let them know that they are not alone. I speak now to help others be able to speak