As usual, I have been behind getting writing posted up here. So much is going on with COVID-19 advocacy and other things. Jeff is on my mind right now though because he is facing the end of his prison sentence and uncertainty about what is next to come. We are featuring a series of his pieces in an effort to show the amazing, resilient, beautiful human being he is. Thanks for reading them! ~ Gin
In the Webster’s Dictionary, friend is defined as a person one knows, likes, and trusts; an alley and supporter.
Before I was arrested and incarcerated 20 years ago, I would have never thought that I would have a friend who was in prison and even less likely to make friends while in prison.
Like most people on the outside, I had the misconception that those who are incarcerated are the worst of the worst who spend their time extorting each other, fighting, gambling, or raping each other. These stereotypes were fed by television and movies. However, after spending almost 17 years incarcerated on the installment plan, I can honestly say that those stereotypes depicted in the movies and television are generally false.
Believe it or not, I’ve met a number of highly intelligent people while in prison who are talented in a wide range of areas. This includes artists, musicians, and writers. There are even those who are furthering their education, at their own expense, by taking college classes. Many of these people just need the chance to let their talent shine. There is so much talent that is being wasted because people are trapped in prison with no outlet for their talent. Like the movie “A Bronx Tale” says, “One of the saddest things in life is a waste of talent.” I have been part of some very stimulating conversations that were so enlightening while in prison. I even have a friendship and talk to one person who has his Doctorate degree in Sociology on a regular basis.
All of us who are in prison are trying to live a normal life in abnormal conditions. Through the strife that prison creates, friendships are formed. The bond often starts with a common denominator. For example, the person may bring a bond or a common interest such as role playing games. There are a variety of other areas where a friendship may begin. In prison one may have many associates, but it takes a lot for a true friendship to form and that level of trust to be established. The word friend is one that isn’t used lightly in prison.
A person on the street may be shocked by the fact that such friendships exist. However, those people on the outside often forget that those of us who are in prison are still human beings. We have the same emotional needs as those on the outside. Maybe friendships are even more important to those in prison. On the inside there is a group of Hunan beings from all walks of life that are thrown together in abnormal living conditions.
The friends that I have made in prison have been a huge emotional support to me. These are people that I hang out with every day in the pod. We go on the recreational yard to walk laps. We go to the chow hall together to eat. If the meal in the chow hall isn’t something that we want to eat then we fix a meal in the pod together using items from canteen. During the good times we laugh together and during the times of trouble we console each other, trying to help in any way we can. This has become especially important to me as I fought cancer. Other than my friends and family on the street, it is the friends in here that I depend on and think about on a daily basis.
I think one of the hardest parts of prison is when I am transferred and have to leave friends behind. We try to stay in contact the best we can, but it’s hard since we’re not allowed to directly write another person behind bars. The last time I was separated from a friend was when I was moved from River North over a year ago when my friend Fox and I ended up separated. Fox and I spent most of the day together and you would rarely see one without the other. Luckily I have contact with Fox’s mom through e-mail so I know how he’s doing. She also provides me support. Unfortunately I’m afraid I may have to go through this grief of loss one more time. I am at State Farm Enterprise Unit as a temporary medical transfer. There is a chance that I will be moved again and will have to say goodbye to more friends. This is so hard on me emotionally. I have tried to talk to my counselor about making the transfer permanent, but it’s up to central classification in Richmond.
Finding true friends in any situation, especially prison, may be rare but these friendships are long lasting. When I was at Brunswick during the first time I came to prison, the people behind bars there were a close-knit community. In fact 16 years later I still have contact with 4 friends who are no longer incarcerated. Over the years we have kept up with each other and what’s going on in each other’s lives. We have stood behind each other through good times and bad times. One of those individuals, Chris has been a big support to me since I have returned to prison on a technical violation of probation. Chris knows my full criminal background, but doesn’t judge me based on it. He accepts my weekly phone calls and keeps in contact with me through e-mail. It is easy for me to trust Chris and feel I can get good advice from him because he understands what prison is like since he has experienced it himself. Chris understands how backwards things work around here. In fact when I was having an issue about getting my property from River North, it was Chris who contacted the Director of the Virginia Department of Corrections about the issue and helped me resolve it. I cherish my friendship with Chris and the other three.
Like many people behind bars, I would give anything to change my past. I wish I didn’t have a victim who has been affected negatively due to my poor decisions. Unfortunately I can’t change the past, but can only make better decisions in the future, which is my life goal. However, despite the hardship of prison life, I wouldn’t want to give up the friends that I’ve made along the way. They’ve enriched my life and made me a better person. I would say that the friends I have made are one of the best things that I am taking away from this experience. Some of my favorite memories of my prison experience are the times I’ve spent with friends. I’m looking forward to keeping contact with the new friends I’ve made during this time of incarceration even when I’m released on December 30, 2020. Once a friendship is formed I believe that it should be long lasting. Of course I’m looking forward to making new friends on the street as well.
By writing this, I want to send a clear message to the general public that is very simple. People in prison are human beings and the stereotypes aren’t true. I hope that individuals will give an person being released from prison a chance and not be afraid to befriend an person who has been behind bars. Strong friendships and social community ties help decrease the chance of someone returning to prison. Even now an individual on the outside can make a difference by being willing to write a letter or send an e-mail through J-Pay to an person behind bars. Try to get to know someone behind bars personally and begin the bond that could become a long lasting friendship. Your life and the life of the person behind bars can both be enriched. I can guarantee the experience and effort will be well worth it.