~ Note from Gin ~
My apologies as I have been moving and then away and have not gotten a chance to update interviews or blog posts. So much is in the pipeline. I hope you all will stay tuned for all we have to come.
This interview with Robert is a simple one. I believe though that he really speaks from his heart and truly has the desire to, as he says, “be a navigator” to ensure that those that follow him will not crash onto the rocks which wrecked him. Please enjoy his words.
Hi, I’m Robert.
I’m a convicted felon. By most standards I am a monster, worthless, a menace to society. In a phrase, less than human. After all, what good can come from a criminal? Surely there can’t be any goodness in those who break the law and commit “heinous” crimes, can there be?
To truly know the answer to that, one would have to open their minds and hearts to see us as we really are. People, human beings with feelings, hopes, and dreams. Yes, I committed a crime, I broke the law, but that one mistake does not make the whole of who I am.
The average person is not able to grasp what prison is like nor understand how imbalance the prison and judicial systems are. Yes, some people are actually evil and do not want to change, but most of us actually seek to improve ourselves and be better people. The judicial system does not take regret, repentance, or second chances into account. We are warehoused, stacked up, and forgotten. “Lock ’em up and throw away the key,” is the prevailing mentality, the only apparent solution against those who break the law. The deck is completely stacked against us. I am attempting to get a business degree or even a paralegal certification, but it is nearly impossible. The few certified schools that have correspondence courses are extremely expensive, and you have to jump through a multitude of hoops to actually send and receive the lessons. The sad thing is that education programs used to be offered but were taken away from us. There are treatment programs to help with anger management and change our thinking, but they barely meet the minimum requirements. The best programs have been canceled. I was in the midst of a graphic arts program that offered college credit, but I was arbitrarily transferred with no way to complete the class. I want to grow, learn, to educate myself and become more productive. I hope and pray for a second chance to contribute to society, to make a difference. Unfortunately, politicians and the courts make certain that is nearly impossible. The only way for this to change is for people to see the truth and stand up against the knee-jerk reactions politicians and lawmakers have against crime.
Amazingly, some of the most influential people in my life have been in prison with me. I have seen more generosity, compassion, and forgiveness from people behind bars than I saw from people in civilized society. John and Bear taught me to laugh at myself, to relax and alter how I saw myself. They taught me there is more to me than pain and negativity. Mike motivated me and showed me kindness when others would shun me. Bear and Mike push me to be more creative and expressive, challenging me to write my thoughts and stories, and even learn to draw. I even discovered I have some talent for poetry as well. Alex has been a beacon, and example of change and making a positive impact. His work with other inmates and passion for his projects have challenged me to step up and do the same.
My time in prison has made me more conscious of myself and people around me. I have been forced to take a hard look at my flaws and failures (still facing them and working on them). I had no choice, there was nowhere else to run and hide. I came to realize that I spent most of my life hiding from myself and believing the negative words that people beat me down with. But now that I have fallen, with everything stripped away, I must get up and look up. I believe my purpose, in the end, is to share my story, to help others face their demons before it’s too late. A lot of people can be sympathetic, but who better to help others rise and face the darkness than those of us who already fell and recovered? We know the pitfalls, the warning signs, the feelings that are bottled up and buried. I desire to be a navigator for others so that they may avoid the same rocks I crashed on. By giving voice to my story, my highs and lows, others who face the same pains and pitfalls will know how to overcome them.
So now you know a bit of who I am. Can you see beyond the crime, the cumbersome label of felon? Can you see me? See us? I hope so. We are real people that need a voice, need hope for a second chance. I pray that people’s minds and hearts are opened to bring the change that is needed.